Hi Beautiful!
If you’re a woman and are on any of the many popular social media platforms, chances are that you’ve received this compliment from strangers looking to chat you up. While there’s nothing wrong in the mere compliment, the person, timing and intention is what makes it cheesy. And even though a compliment might be a little thing, a fake compliment can do more damage than one can imagine. Since honesty is an important trait upon which the foundation of trust is laid and crucial when it comes to sustaining any relationship, a fake compliment at the very outset can make a woman become wary of the man’s character and lead to her doubting if she can ever trust him in more important matters. So along with the timing, it’s also paramount that the compliment is thoughtful and comes from an honourable place. Otherwise, let alone eliciting a favourable response, it’s sure to make her curse him to eternity in hell!
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Everyone loves a compliment and when received well, even the giver feels benevolent. But women are confident beings and starting a conversation by telling her that she’s beautiful is not only tactless and disingenuous, it also sends the wrong message that physical appearance is all that matters. This takes me back to when I was a teenager, and had written my very first piece , which appeared in the Sportsworld magazine. It was a sports quiz that carried a mugshot of me along with my address. In the days that followed, I received over sixty letters, mostly marriage proposals, which goes to show how hung up people are on physical appearance. They often forget that looks are only a part of a woman’s personality. Women are endowed with many other qualities and they would be more than happy to receive a compliment that appreciates any one of them. So, instead of jumping at women with a general, interchangeable and clichéd compliment, if a man is genuinely interested in getting to know a woman more closely, I would suggest he take a little interest in her other facets as well.

Men looking to start a conversation need to understand that most women on social media platforms aren’t looking for romantic relationships or partners at the drop of a hat. There are other apps devoted exclusively for those aspirations if the need be. Women are here to network and showcase their work, connect with likeminded people, share ideas and build relationships that are of substance, and help them grow as an individual, as well as a professional. They appreciate it when people notice them for their skills, acknowledge their work ethics, value their opinion and find them interesting enough to strike up a conversation without looks being the primary motive, the same way one would do in the real world that has lead to genuine friendships and lasting relationships.
Men looking to start a conversation need to understand that most women on social media platforms aren’t looking for romantic relationships or partners at the drop of a hat. There are other apps devoted exclusively for those aspirations if the need be.
While many caution against falling in love with your best friend, I believe that friendship is indeed, the first stage of any relationship. The best part about friendship is that outward appearance isn’t a priority, and the basic criteria of a good friendship is that both individuals share some common interests and can bond over them, endlessly. The other aspect of friendship which appeals to me is that friends accept each other the way they are. They make one another feel comfortable, confident and perfect to be worthy of the other’s affection, without having to alter themselves. Friends are also honest and will not shy away from calling the other out, but the difference, herein, lies that they do so without being judgemental. And most of all, friends belong to those rare humans who care, support and stand by each other without having an ulterior motive.

So why not approach a woman you like with the intention of being her friend? Connect with them over their hobbies, interests and lay a platform to have a genuine conversation. And if you need studies to back this theory, researchers have also found that being good friends leads to stronger commitment in a romantic relationship including better sex and more love.
For those who believe in stats and numbers, studies can be a good guideline to ascertain what actually works for women and what are the areas of compatibility when looking to start a conversation that could lead to a fruitful relationship. Not surprisingly, humour is one such area.

Since research links humour productivity to verbal and general intelligence, it’s a given that one cannot fake being funny. And while we are all familiar with the overwhelming evidence supporting the popular theory that humour is an indicator of a person’s intelligence, which in turn, makes an individual desirable, Jeffrey Hall, Ph.D. an associate professor of Communication Studies at University of Kansas, in his attempt to understand this theory, puts forward an interesting observation, where he believes that laughing together is a sign of compatibility and shows that two people share similar perspectives, values and find the same things amusing. In a report published on Healthline, Hall reveals that it’s also the positive way in which the human body responds to something funny that matters here. For instance, laughing leads to the release of endorphins that make us feel good and lightens up the mood. So basically people enjoy such relaxing company and it makes them want the other person to stay on and the banter to continue for longer.
But sliding into a woman’s social media DM with lines like, ‘hello pretty lady, ’ neither qualify as funny, nor does it make a woman feel pretty or good. Forget responding, women are most likely to reach for the block option!
Images courtesy: Pixabay
Lesley D. Biswas is a freelance writer and children’s author based in Kolkata. Her interests include nature, bird photography and cricket.