A Dungeon horrible, on all sides round
As one great Furnace flam’d, yet from those flames
No light, but rather darkness visible
Serv’d only to discover sights of woe,
Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace
And rest can never dwell, hope never comes
- Paradise Lost
When we read John Milton’s epic poem in English literature classrooms, the realisation never dawned on us that one day it would woefully encapsulate the times we are living in. The world we are breathing in. How else can we put to words the barbarous brutality with which a 31-year-old doctor’s dignity was violated in one of the leading medical colleges and hospitals in Kolkata. How else can we explain the atrocities at Hathras, Nagaon and Badlapur. All are stories of stupefying horror and excruciating terror which sent shivers down our spine. The perpetrators happen to be men. They are one among us. It is about time we men put our heads together to redeem ourselves. We should.
The hashtag movement of Reclaim-the-Night is not only a righteous fury against pervasiveness of rape, assault and harassment but also a broader insurrection against centuries of male domination and oppression.
The volatile melange of pity, contempt, disgust, envy, alienation, fear and rage at men does not appear unjust. We have failed women on fronts, too many. Those nasty memories have come loose from closets where women have stashed them. Those memories are floating all around them. Not just memories of sexual abuse. But also memories of being dismissed, distrusted and disdained. Memories of seeing put-downs at the office, hearing catcalls on the street, facing inappropriate touches in buses.
Many men did walk the streets on the night reclaimed by women. But, it is certainly not enough. The years of miscarriage of mutual trust cannot be redeemed overnight. It is time we men hold ourselves responsible for violence against women. And, act on it.
Let’s not cut corners. Addressing sexism, misogyny and patriarchy should headline the corrective literature. Men should begin with binning cuss words loaded with insinuations of female genitalia. Stop swelling in pride for sexual exploits (loosely referred to as scores), stop blabbering about objectifying gazes, stop giggling about pornographic imaginations. These should not be dismissed as Big-Boys-Club banter but considered as a public display of brazen bravado for which many men feel no shame, almost invariably. And, if you are not among those men, raise your voice against the filth.
Many men may not have indulged in savagery, but their deafening silence will be construed as being collectively complicit with a sexist mindset and a poisonous masculinity rooted in the same toxic culture from which the rotten apples emerge. As do our smirks at Men-will-be-Men advertisements. As do the quirky propositions of the Hemline Index indicating economic growth.
The hashtag movement of Reclaim-the-Night is not only a righteous fury against pervasiveness of rape, assault and harassment but also a broader insurrection against centuries of male domination and oppression. As the bourgeoisie deserved every bashing under Soviet communism, as the British deserved every wrath in quest for Independence.
The basic understanding should be that women do not exist for the voracious appetite of men. The basic education should be for mighty words as consent. The basic learning should be for realising the bluntness of a NO. Women are not conquered territories and we men are not the possessors. We are humans. We are equal DNAs in the chromosome of humanity.
Toxic masculinity is destructive atavism and an encumbrance the world can do without. A liberated outrage against it is a retributive movement. Voices from all corners have merged and amplified into a concerted thunder. The Reclaim-the-Night call has proven there is power in the collective and courage is contagious. We men cannot be bystanders. Our blinders should come off. It is also our moment of reckoning. It is also our moment to redeem ourselves.
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This can begin with upending the very definition of Being-a-Man. We need to be vocal. We need to manifest. When a conversation among men is trying to get in her knickers or is revolving around butt-and-bust sarcasms, we should not turn the other way. We should contend, contest and contradict. Men also need to be more emotional.
Emotional resilience is not emotional denial. The one we are taught from childhood is an unwise refusal of fears. It leads to abortion of accommodative feeling, collaborative existence. The trolls who perpetuate the toxicity of masculine monolith should be called out. They are the last standing minions of straw castle which should be blown asunder with newness of reciprocated respect. Even if those stereotypes are sold by brands, those should be boycotted. Do not consume those products which sell under the veneers of invincibility, impenetrability or solidity. These are all cosmetic euphemisms for toxic masculinity.
Many questions may be raised. Haven’t men been wronged? Haven’t men been subjected to kill-all-men or drink-male-tears calls? The assertive answer is the fight for rectitude is not of one narrative versus another narrative, one wrong versus another wrong. Triumphing all, this is not about replacing misogyny with misandry. We men have to realise this is a revolution. This is an uprising to reset history. Women and men are equal partners in it. Women and men are battle buddies. Women and men are not battle enemies.
Picture Credit : Picture 1 : WomanEye24 ,Picture 2 : Wikimedia
