India is shaken up with the recent Delhi murder, where the boyfriend chopped his girlfriend’s body into 35 pieces and stored it in the refrigerator. His plan was to dispose off the evidence by disseminating the body parts all over Delhi. What followed was another gruesome Madhya Pradesh murder. In this case the boyfriend took to social media, after slitting his girlfriend’s throat and declaring that he will meet her in heaven. Her infidelity won’t be tolerated.
Such heinous incidents bring outrage. So what followed were opinions and debates on the subject. There were multiple judgements about the incident. Among them, was the demand for death penalty for the murderer and also how Hindu women must be careful with men from other religions.
In all this mayhem what struck me the most, was when people debated about the possibility of the lack of a support system for the murdered girls to fall back upon, when the relationship had begun souring. Also the quick judgement on an entire community.
In both cases, it is likely that the victims did not have the courage to go back and tell their families or friends about the failure of their relationships. The men would have revealed their unhealthy traits from the start. The reason could be multiple for women to not speak up. Most are frightened, because the judgement is severe, if she fails. The truth that stares back at us, is that very few women can actually confide. It is worse if she has dared to defy the norm. In both cases, one was in a live-in relationship and the other had apparently been disloyal.
There are over thousands of women who have married within their community, into the same caste, also who seemingly look like they have a support system, but the truth is that most don’t dare to seek help. They don’t speak up about their issues or in worse cases, they learn to accept their fate. The reality is that most girls lack a support structure. Many parents still don’t accept the married daughter back in their homes. In live-in relationships the stigma is far bigger.
For the women, she is conditioned and lives with the fear of judgement, towards the lack of gratitude and upbringing if she exposes her bad parental relationship. Added to that is also the partner’s or husband’s reputation which becomes all important, over her own feelings and many times the scornful social circle, who won’t hesitate to point their fingers at her. This stops the girl from speaking up.
When parents don’t support them, many women invariably seek support from the partner, who can quickly smell the neediness in them and then the power play begins. This destroys the relationship and most of all the affected one is always the woman. It is worse, if she isn’t earning. This makes her furthermore vulnerable in such situations.
One has to admit that there is power play in almost every relationship, to varying degrees. One partner is always stronger than the other, in different aspects. So whoever is stronger in whichever sphere, they use that against the weaker party. It is like a game of chess. But in majority cases monetary power is the main power and game changer in relationships. The higher earning partner almost always calls the shots.
Marriage as we can see is slowly becoming outdated. Many youngsters are opting to not marry. Going forward with this fragile social system, we may find many more instances, like these murdered women who will tread the non conventional path, while the world they come from will ask them to conform.
There seems no quick solution to this lopsided new urban growth. There is more money, among people. Most leave towns and find themselves alone in bigger cities. The loneliness makes them take chances in relationships. But what sadly happens is that they put all their eggs in one basket. Also the shift impacts the lack of the extended family support, neighbours who don’t check on one another, which leaves the migrant girls very alone.
In the earlier days, the nosey neighbour would always want information and the nice ones would bring some food to break the ice. All that has changed. Now we have tall buildings without any soul residing in them. No one cares any longer. We may soon have a humongous issue going forward in our hands. A pandemic of loneliness, suicides and grisly murders like these.
Here is also hoping that people don’t give Aftab Poonawala a religious colour, making him the poster boy of why girls must not trust a Muslim boy, because Abhijit Patidar, the boy from Madhya Pradesh, too took to social media after slitting the girl’s throat on grounds of infidelity. Both these men have a sick mind, misplaced sense of entitlement and evidently it’s not about religion at all.
This is also about women who must learn to cut off ties when the red flags start showing up before it’s too late.
Images courtesy: Needpix
